I have posted this one before, but it seemed very appropriate in light of this week's posts:
Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?
Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.
Judge: Is that all?
Witness: Isn't that enough?
From: Say What?
Here's another entry in the funny-in-a-roll-your-eyes-sort-of-way. The BBC reports that schools in the United Kingdom are switching to clip-on ties because of fears "of ties getting caught in equipment or strangling pupils."
Let's be honest -- they are switching because of a fear of lawyers. I enjoy being a lawyer, but there's no doubt that we are directly responsible for a lot of stupid rules.
Hat tip: Overlawyered
This is one of those stories that is funny only in a shake-your-head, gallows-humor sort of way. A 24-year-old woman in Oregon called the police, complaining that her neighbors were harassing her for having sex with a 13-year-old. The police responded, investigated the complaint, and promptly arrested her for, in fact, having sex with a minor.
What else is there to say?
Hat tip: Dumb as a Blog
From Minor Troubles, we learn that firefighters in Britain were able to free a child who got her foot stuck in a child's potty. They even were able to "keep the potty intact for future use."
Experienced parents know that one essential to responding to these type of emergencies is taking lots of pictures to use to blackmail your children when they are teenagers.
A bit of humor to end the week, from The Onion:
"The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next," the study's author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters. "Additionally we found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression."
Hat Tip: Psych Central
From Minor Troubles, we get a heart-warming story to end the week. When Mark Gullet lost his job, his 14-year-old son, Ben, created a three-minute video touting his dad's credentials -- and his ability to make smores. Ben posted the video, titled "Mark by Ben," to YouTube, where it has gotten thousands of hits. Best of all, his dad has landed some job interviews.
Officers in a Chicago police station are facing disciplinary action and, even worse, ridicule from their peers after falling for a 14-year-old's impersonation of a police officer. The teenager, who aspires to a career in law enforcement, came into the station through an unlocked back door, wearing a uniform and claimed to be a recent transfer. The real officers gave him a radio and sent him out. He drove a squad car, assisted in an arrest, and evaded discovery for six hours, when a supervisor noticed that his uniform was not complete and started asking questions.
When they discovered the charade, the officers quite predictably arrested him for impersonating a police officer.
Hat tip: The Buck Stops Here
From Lowering the Bar, we get this humorous story about two teenage robbers who didn't think things through. Before going into the store, they caught the attention of a passerby with their elaborate preparations, such as covering their license plate, in full view of the road. Wen they attempted to rob the store, the owners refused to be intimidated and chased them back outside. The passerby, who happened to be an off-duty security guard, was waiting for them.
While he was holding them down, waiting for the police, the Korean woman who owned the store began hitting them with a flyswatter. "The humiliation was then made complete when, apparently by pure coincidence, the mother of one of the robbers happened by."
A nice note to end the week is this BBC report about a romantic elopement foiled by suspicious police, anxious parents, and lack of funds. And the fact that the would-be bride and groom are only 5 & 6 years old.
The two German children concocted the plan at a family New Year's Eve celebration in Hanover. The next morning, they, and their designated witness, age 7, got up while their respective parents were sleeping, hiked a half-mile to a tram station and boarded a tram to the train station. At the train station, a guard became suspicious and called the police.
The children, who had packed their swimsuits and sunglasses, explained that they wanted to go to Africa, "where it is warm," to get married and have a vacation.
A Texas toddler decided to do his own shopping, in the middle of the night, at a store near his home. Police responding to a silent alarm at 3 a.m. at the store found the child playing with toys in the store. He had unlocked the door at his home, crossed a wide street, and found an unlocked door at the store.
I've decided that this Christmas week is a good one to avoid gloomy subject matter, all of which can wait until after the holidays. This post from "Say What?" does not have much to do with children, but I could not resist including it as an example of the silly things that lawyers sometimes fight over:
In a murder trial, the policeman testified, "When I arrived, the victim was still alive and he said ..."
At this point, the witness was abruptly interrupted by the judge, with stern warning that the witness should not say anything else until it was determined whether the evidence was admissible. The jury was excused and, for the next several hours, the attorneys argued subtle legal points as to whether or not the victim's statements were within the "dying declaration" exception to the hearsay rule. The prosecution, of course, contended that they clearly were; however, the defense argued that there was no showing that the deceased victim actually knew he was dying when he spoke to the policeman. Finally, the trial was recessesd and, after hours of his own research, the judge announced the next morning that the testimony was admissible as a dying declaration. So, the policeman returned to the stand for this exchange:
Q. Now officer, yesterday you were about to tell us what the deceased said when you arrived on the scene. Please tell the judge and the jury what he said.
A. Well, he just said "Ugh!" and died.
According to police in Naples, Florida, a teenager tried to shoplift a pair of earrings, and when confronted, swallowed them. Police took him to the hospital, where X-rays reportedly confirmed the presence of earrings in his stomach. I guess Florida's best evidence rule does not require the prosecutor to produce the actual earrings at trial.
Hat tip: Dumb as a Blog
I always like to end the week with a touch of humor, and, given the holiday, today's the end of the work week. Until next week, enjoy this post from Vet on the Edge about his visits to local schools and the students' hand-written and very creative thank-you notes. His (and my) favorite note ended with this touch:
[A] hilarious picture of a snake (evidently the one that swallowed the ball, since it has a hugely distended middle) and a cartoon speech bubble saying "BURRRP!"
This was funny enough, but on re-reading it later for a second giggle, I happened to flip it over and on the back (where the Hallmark logo would be) he has written:
P.E.T.Z.
Protection Egenst (against) Total Ziffheads.
No animals were harmed in the making of this card.
From Lowering the Bar, we learn that the Swedish Parliament last week chastised a school for demanding the return of a child's birthday party invitations. The school had an "unwritten rule" that, if invitations are passed out at school, all students in the class must receive one. This particular child left out two classmates because, according to his father, one student had excluded him from his party, and the other had bullied him. The boy's father complained to the parliamentary ombudsman.
I'm still wrapping my head around the idea that a national parliament has an ombudsman with time to issue formal rulings about party invitations. I wonder who fields complaints about the birthday presents.
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Another gem from Say What?:
Robert F. Barnes of Hidalgo (former district judge of the 93rd and 275th district courts), was visited by a group of third-grade students from Mission on a "field trip" when he was sitting in Mission as a visiting judge. Each kid was invited to sit in the judge's chair on the bench, and one noticed there was no gavel - because, among the 42 "thank you" letters from the class, was this marvelous one:
Dear Judge Barnes,
I like your courtroom and your chair. Is a judge easy? I want to be a judge. How big is your hammer?
From Say What?!, we get the following exchange with a child witness:
Judge: (To young witness) Do you know what would happen to you if you told a lie?
Witness: Yes, I would go to hell.
Judge: Is that all?
Witness: Isn't that enough?
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